People Pass Around Me

This post was written by a contributor in their second language.

It still seems to me that I never understood the people around me. Every day I just asked for a little attention from them, but I could never get it. It's as if I fell into the ground from anger and fear because I could never find out what it takes for people to be finally happy. But I felt that my mental state, in which I have been feeling for a couple of years, is not as great as it once seemed. I fall into the ground, for fear of doing something to myself, I reach for the first glass of whiskey. People say that drinking causes dementia. But I still look at the clear sky that embraces me every day and it seems to me that I have never been consistent with my thoughts and my actions. I have always believed that there is real medicine in pizza and that the solution to everything is just to transfer the delicious juices from my palate to my body gently, yet subtly.

And while the Earth turns on its axis, I still look at those people who do me harm with their clever words like a magician. They stole a little kindness from me from the grain of truth and the collapse of reason to make me an unhappy man. I still think that people have become strange, that they can never understand that the goodness inside me is just that I spread good. And my health suffers with age. And everything I look at, my reasoning for life is only that people humiliate and trample me the way they want and want. And I'm just a young person who is ready to live his life the way he knows how and to be a good person in the end. My heart starts to beat fast from too much drink, too much reason in my head starts to turn on me as I continue to look at my holy sky wanting to hug me and say that this is a normal thing. And if I could, I would reason that it is not such a good option, a lot of alcohol creates dementia in the bottom of my soul, which starts to take hold more and more over time. And I'm sad, I'm grieving inside myself if I don't understand that my life starts to lose its meaning when I don't have real friends by my side and that maybe being alone is my best friend. I'm grieving, but I'm not going to be sorry because I think that my youth doesn't allow it, at the age of twenty-three I can grieve so easily.

And I look at all these people, but in general I look to be some kind of personality that I can get away from. But it's very difficult, when I realize that around me dementia is killing me and every step I take seems to be counted twice. I would multiply everything that I feel, but it's so hard honestly, because I can't understand that my point of existence is just to give people words and pay attention, which they will never understand. My mental health is suffering, but I have to move forward because I don't want to be a gloomy person who will be laughed at and I will definitely be the subject of jokes. I would give love to everyone around me, but it's certainly impossible when everyone humiliates me and when I want to be happy, they don't give it to me just because I'm different from everyone.

I represent myself as a member of the LGBT community, who always tries to show love to everyone, but it is difficult when people around me only want to create hatred around me, while I am the person who really just wants peace and unity around me. I would give love to everyone around me, but it is not worth it when all they want from me is to create disgusting immoral words and actions. My love also has a name and a surname, but I can't understand that even away from me, everyone only wants to create sadness. And I look at my sky, which laughs at me and only wants me to create love for others around me. My wish is only to share love with everyone around me, but it is very difficult when everyone creates only a trace of division and unrest from me. And I think whether the problem is in me or in others around me, because my destiny was created to be only a positive and happy person. And I doubt that I am different from everyone else, my only wish is to be accepted by others. But the heinous insults I receive based on my gender identity is a very difficult thing that I cannot get over lightly. And I try to make everything okay, but it's certainly difficult because I'm not a person who only wants to create immorality and pain for others around me. I just aspire to be a man and share only love. And as the years go by, I realize that I am just a face of life where I have no name and surname and that each of me wants to create only immorality and my pain. And my pain is certainly getting bigger and bigger when I can't be who I am, just an honest man ready to share love with others around me, and my first and last name is just happiness. And I want to share it with God because He is non-progressive! And I look, I think only to achieve my goals, for people to love me as I am and to share good and bad with others around me because my love is only ready to be shared, not to be used. Although I am lonely, my head often does not resonate with good and evil, I have insomnia, I try to make other people around me happy because love is what calls me. Only peace and unity, and everything will pass!